Lame Excuse Number 5

"I had to pick up lunch for everyone at work"...when I asked what took him so long, as my newborn son and I stood freezing on the meridian on Telegraph Road while my truck was broken down in the left lane, stopping cars, nearly causing accidents....The police officer was flabbergasted...I got in my ex's car and it reeked of fast food, Wendy's I think, they got his order wrong...he had a lot of people to get lunch for...WTF???? And I wondered...and wondered some more...who is this man that I married? Who does this to their wife and newborn child? Fortunately, the police officer let us sit in his car while we waited, and waited, and waited some more. Over 45 minutes it took him to get to us when it should have been no more than 7 minutes away. Nice, dear husband of mine. Hope his french fries were cold.

Revelation Number 2

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

Neil Gaiman I've heard those words before.....and they do just that....rip you apart.....but then one day I realized, if I wanted so badly to be with the wrong person...how amazing will it be when the right one comes along? I can only imagine...

Revelation Number 1

It suddenly hit me that I do indeed deserve so much more than what I used to think was good enough. Good enough just isn't....not for me, not anymore. I don't know why I have put up with so much shit in my life and I don't know what managed to make me finally realize it, but deep down inside, somehow, I knew this day would come. And oh, what a day it is.......amazing when you suddenly realize your true worth. Wow!

Lame Excuse Number 4

"I was just trying to help around the house."

In response to my query as to why the sheets had been washed and put back on the bed while I was away for the weekend with our two week old son. Also found missing some massage oil and sex toys that were from our honeymoon..........nice. Never knew the man to do a load of laundry in his life. Can't believe he actually thought I'd fall for that one. And the excuses continued to pile up until I made my way out of that pitiful marriage...

Lame Excuse Number 3

"Because I love you"

In response to why I should trust him again when he was right then and there cheating on her by being with me. And this, my friends, was the test he failed so miserably. People play games. He lost. He doesn't know the meaning of love. I won, I proved to myself: once a pig, always a pig...and proceeded forth with the divorce. I knew I would never take him back. But I had to know if he would do the same thing to her as he did to me and come up with the same bullshit stories to try and cover his ass. Same 'ol, same 'ol. And the winner gets...................her name back.

Lame Excuse Number 2

"She's only staying here for the kids. I hate her and you have nothing to worry about."

This in my response to discovering that his First ex-wife was now living in our home, which I had left after proper digestion and regurgitation of Lame Excuse Number 1.

I did, however, decide later to give the Ex another chance, simply because we did have a newborn child and I was catching hell from my family for leaving my Perfect Husband. And lo and behold, one fine day I stopped by only to discover that all my belongings from my home, that of my daughter and son and myself were discarded and the wretched first ex-wife, whom I had only heard horrible stories of from my husband and his family, had moved back to Michigan from Florida and into the marital home of mine and my Perfect Soon-To-Be ex-husband. Naturally, this caused me to wonder, and query my then husband, "Why is she living here and where is all my stuff?" He didn't understand my concern nor my argument that MOST divorced couples do not live together to spend time with their kids. And I might add, this is the same woman who spent 10 years separated by her own choice on the other end of the country from her children. Most divorced parents come and pick up their kids, spend time with them, and drop them back off. Did my daughter's father move back in with me to see her? Nope, never entertained that idea before. Did any of my friends' ex-partners live with them to help with the kids? Nope..never really encountered that scenario before. But of course, nothing to worry about, right? Wrong. He's still with her, four years later, albeit after still trying to get in my pants and probably cheating on her too with who knows who else. I know he cheated on her with me, that was just a test, he failed miserably. She didn't care. Why should she? She has the house that I invested in, doesn't have to work, waltzes back into her kids' lives trying to pretend that she never walked out in the first place, and of course, she has the Perfect Ex-Husband of mine. I am the second ex-wife...however, I consider myself the Best Ex-Wife, and frankly so does he...however, he will never have me again. I reminded him of that on his birthday by sending him a very erotic naked picture of myself showing him what he wouldn't be getting for his birthday...he said his dick got hard in record time...I told him to go relieve himself...shouldn't take more than a couple seconds from what my memory recalls. Happy Birthday.

Lame Excuse Number 1

"That was my eight year old son that set up that dating profile."

This in response to the online ad discovered a couple weeks after birthing our son...

Now correct me if I'm wrong, but how many 8 year olds know their father's date of birth, height, weight, etc? In addition to this, how many also know enough detail to portray themselves (their dad) as the next best thing slightly beneath hot dogs and apple pie? And to respond to emails and chats that wouldn't announce to the unknowing perhaps single woman on the other end that she was talking to an, oh, 8 YEAR OLD??

My ex may have taken me for a fool...but he's given me lots of tasty things to write about...

More to follow...